reflections on 2021
2021. I almost hesitated writing a reflection this year because it felt like nothing noteworthy happened, but my husband Eden reminded me that although not a lot of events happened, that this was a year of much work in my heart. And that’s worth reflecting about. So here’s to expressing those things and sharing them, in hopes that it could help someone, even if it’s just the future me reading this in a year.
2021 was the year of
fully transitioning out of my work as a nurse and into full-time staying at home with my kids, and slowly finding my footing
Talitha starting part-time preschool in the mornings and falling in love with her classmates and teacher.
more sick days at home and derailed plans than I was prepared for
facing the hard questions of where I have been finding my identity, significance, and hope
discipleship, nurturing, and accountability with Ellie and Marissa that was a lifeline
becoming neighbors with Elisa and Nicole and getting to know these incredible ladies more
learning to see my time with God and His Word as the source of life and renewal, and finally finding a reading plan that I love and works for my season
falling deeper in love with lettering, but also struggling with whether what I am creating is worthwhile.
watching my little girl grow in her confidence and courage on the playground and in life
journeying in motherhood with Maggie, Ellie, Fatimah, Hya, Steph, Reza, Ebony, and many others.
finding and meeting regularly with a mentor in Carla Outhous who has been a Godsend
falling deeper in love with my son and understanding why “mama’s boy” is a thing
road tripping up the west coast, and realizing that some memories are worth the chaos
2021 was a year of learning
that just because something is hard or chaotic for me that it doesn’t mean that something is wrong or that I’ve inherently failed. That it often means I’m out of my comfort zone, that I’m learning, and that I have another opportunity to cling to God in dependence
what an essential need I have for community, and that it is wisdom, not failure, to ask for and receive the help that I need
that I was never entitled to an easy and storm-free life, and much of my anguish and discontentment in life could be helped if I learned to expect that life will inevitably have difficulty and pain, but that it is always wielded for good and greater joy in the hands of a faithful God that always has goodness in mind for his beloved.
to take the time to understand my children more and the motives that drive them, that I might meet them with compassion and not wrath in their moments of need
that all of the unimpressive, unseen, unending work that I do each day that I’m tempted to think of as lowly, I do unto my God, the Servant King, who sees everything and lets nothing go to waste. And these small acts of faithfulness matter.
that I must give as much, if not more, intention, creativity, and diligence to the work of motherhood as I would any other job
how so much of my anger, irritability, and frustration towards my family stems from my inordinate need for control, and that indulging in my anger never ends up satisfying me the way that I think that it will.
that the better, more life-giving way, is to live the way my Maker designed for me to. That to walk in the flesh is death, but to walk in the Spirit is life and peace.
that how I respond when things don’t go my way says a lot more about my trust in God than anything I say that I believe. That I can exercise faith and deepen my trust in God all day long, in all of the exciting and mundane parts of my day, not just in my solitary “quiet time” with Him.
that there is absolutely nothing, NOTHING, I need to do anymore to earn the full approval, delight, and blessings of God because of how perfect Jesus is in every way to save me and to live His life perfectly on my behalf.
what I allow myself to think on a day-to-day basis really matters. If it isn’t in accordance with truth, I cannot entertain it or let it linger even though it feels “good” and “right” in a weird way to condemn myself. If God wouldn’t think that thought about me, if it’s not true in light of me being in union with Christ, it isn’t true and therefore not worth dwelling on.
that I don’t have to freak out if I am inadequate or insufficient for what’s in front of me. I don’t have to nervously go through life trying to shake off that feeling by striving harder or speaking half-truths that feel good to hear. No, I have a Helper. A Helper that is with me at all times, who possesses in unlimited measure all that I need. A Helper that delights for me to come boldly in my many moments of need. A Helper that is utterly completely sufficient and in whom I am forever in union with.
that joy and peace is possible because of God is always holding me in safety and security. His presence will never leave me. His goodness never wavers. And His will is always love.
Books I loved:
When Strivings Cease by Ruth Chou Simons
Every Day Bible: 365 Readings Through the Whole Bible
Help, I’m Drowning by Sally Clarkson
Childproof: Parenting by Faith Not by Formula by Julie Lowe
Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen (still in progress)
Podcasts I loved:
Pray the Word with David Platt
Don’t Mom Alone
Made for This by Jennie Allen
The Elisabeth Elliot Podcast
Maverick Podcast
Passion City Church DC Podcast
Songs I Loved:
Starts and Ends - Hillsong
Yet Not I But Through Christ in Me - CityAlight
No One Ever Cared for me Like Jesus - Steffany Gretzinger
Wellspring - Leeland
